Nation of Men

I joined a men’s group in January of 2008.  After working through various personal issues in therapy, I decided that I needed to become more comfortable in dealing with other men.  My therapist encouraged me and even suggested some groups.  I found it a bit daunting – meeting a bunch of strangers who right away wanted to go ‘deeper’ with me.  Overcoming my fear, I found some members of the group supportive and non-threatening.

Growing up as an artistic introvert, I found it difficult to make friends.  Being raised by an alcoholic father also made me fearful of men in general.  As a child, I was teased mercilessly by other boys and I gave them just what they wanted – I cowered, I blushed, I was afraid, I reinforced their bullying.  I was an easy target.

Those memories are still ‘wired’ inside me and they are energized when I am in a group of men.  I’ve learned to pretend that I enjoy talking about sports, I sometimes copy their boastful way of speaking, I try to limit my natural inclination to touch other people.

Being in a men’s group helped me learn how much other men are just like me – sometimes fearful, sometimes thinking they do not ‘measure up’.  Being able to talk to each other about these issues does amazing things.  Some men’s groups have specific guidelines of interaction that help create the kind of safety that would allow other men to open up to them.

I thrived in this environment and learned many best practices.  Because, when I joined the group, I was was fully ready to ‘go deep’ myself, I was able to have some liberating experiences.  I also learned how to afford other men that opportunity.  My inner child was soothed and I came to understand much more about those ancient hurts locked inside of me.

From 2008 to 2014, I have participated in a handful of different groups.  I found it an enriching experience, even when things did not go completely smoothly.  I still have a close friend from the last group – we left around the same time – who I still see regularly.  Our shared group history helps us support each other in a way that is deeper than mere friendship.  And we both feel more secure in ourselves due to our experiences in a men’s group.